VATICAN ENQUIRER — Getting your hands cuffed to your own ankles while being virtually spanked and having various orifices penetrated became an entertainment option for millions of under-fulfilled housewives today with the release of “Fifty Shades of Grey: The Video Game” on PlayStation and Xbox.
And the new interactive game doesn’t leave men out of the bondage (BDSM) fun as gamers can choose to be either dominant, penis-packing Christian Grey or submissive, okay-stick-it-anywhere Ana Steele.
“Get to the root of any video game and it’s all about the pursuit of kind, romantic hero-sex,” said Sam Houser, President of Rockstar Games, publisher of the Grand Theft Auto series, as he announced the launch of the new game.
“Fifty Shades of Grey: The Video Game is one penetrating game I’ve got to tell you.”
“Handcuffs? For sure. Whips? You bet. Cucumbers? Your call.”
“This game puts you in control…with an agreed-upon safe word of course.”
The Fifty Shades of Grey movie has screamed to the top of box office sales since its launch and two theater (“theatre” in Canada and the U.K.) chains are reportedly now providing “Do Not Disturb” signs for bathroom stalls.
The N.Y. Times is reporting that there were 17 in-theater arrests during the movie this past weekend mostly involving middle-aged people disrupting other viewers by moaning or shouting “I’m looking up there Ida but I can’t find my car keys.”
“Play Fifty Shades of Grey: The Video Game…get your honest freak on I guess,” said Houser.
“I played it last night…good times”