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    Walmart Now Requires All Shoppers To Wear Pants

    (BabylonBee) U.S.—In a move that’s being called “unprecedented tyranny,” Walmart is now requiring all shoppers to wear pants in their stores. Americans everywhere slammed Walmart for the move, saying it amounted to an infringement on our constitutional rights. “I thought this was America,” said one man as a greeter asked him to please put on […] More

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    Subpoenaed Trump Organization Financial Documents Reveal Company’s Only Holding Is Single Dairy Queen In New Jersey

    NEW YORK—Saying they are beginning to perceive the full scope of the secretive business dealings, investigators working for special counsel Robert Mueller announced Friday that subpoenaed Trump Organization financial records show the company’s only discrete holding is a Dairy Queen franchise in West Milford, NJ. “We are currently engaged in a thorough analysis of financial […] More

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    All Monkey, No Business

    A wildlife photographer’s life has been shattered, his livelihood and bank account in ruins because a monkey took a selfie with his camera. As the story goes, it seems that a group of monkeys clicking away with the photographer’s digital camera produce portraits of startling beauty. Andrew told the VQ that he was visiting the park […] More

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    Mexican Beer Importers Bracing For A Trump Ban

    VATICAN ENQUIRER (Spoof News) In the face of U.S. President Trump’s threatened ban, stocks are soaring for Mexican brewers, as well as distributors and sellers of Mexican beer in the United States. Reached by phone, Molly Snipes, CEO of Molotov distributors in Denver, talked to this reporter about the spike in business. “This isn’t new […] More

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    McDonald’s To Close Canada

    (VATICAN ENQUIRER) Low profits is the reason for McDonald’s announcement of the removal of all Canadian franchises. After a year of struggling to maintain profits in 2015, the McDonald’s franchise has seen an even worse decline in 2016: starting in the US after multiple tax policies have increased the cost of doing business for the […] More

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    Class Action Suit Being Filed Against Starbucks For Ripping Off Customers

    LOS ANGELES, California – Starbucks has been accused of ripping customers off by under-filling customers’ cups, and a class action suit will press for damages. If successful anyone who purchased Starbucks between 2011-2016 will be able to claim free products or receive a cash refund of an undetermined amount. According to the suit, customers have […] More

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    Nestlé secures exclusive contract to bottle and sell Martian water

    VATICAN ENQUIRER –  Nestlé announced today it has secured an exclusive contract from NASA to bottle all the water flowing on Mars. “Finders keepers, suckers!” said Nestlé CEO Paul Bulcke before adding a “nanananabooboo!” This is not the first time an American company has secured exclusive rights to mine a stellar body for resources. In […] More

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    Burger King Closed Costa Rica Because People Want To Eat Healthier

    VATICAN ENQUIRER – Costa Rica’s minister of Labour, Víctor Morales, considers that one of the reasons why Burger King shut down operations in the country, is that Costa Ricans are looking to eat healthier. “The market has been changing, people are opting for healthier options and companies have to adapt to his new reality. Data […] More

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    Billionaire Donald Trump To Travel to Costa Rica To Negotiate Purchase Of The Country

    VATICAN ENQUIRER – Following his sale of the Miss Universe pageant, billionaire Donald Trump, one of the richest men in the world, said he would be interested in investing in Costa Rica, but not as investor, rather as buyer. In recent statements Trump said he is interested in increasing his real estate portfolio and what […] More

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    Bimbo Will Remane Its “Pan Blanco” (White Bread) To Avoid Racism

    VATICAN ENQUIRER – Mexico City, One of the largest companies in Mexico had to resort to a name change for pastry formerly called “Negrito”to  now “Nito”, because according to several sources, this was deemed racist against people of a dark complexion. Now they face a new challenge as Caucasians representatives say the “Pam Blanco”(white bread) […] More

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    Donald Trump Breaks Ties With Donald Trump

    (VATICAN ENQUIRER) Adapted from – The candidate for president of the United States and entrepreneur DonalD Trump announced during his most recent campaign speech that “from now on he breaks his relations with Donald Trump for statements he made against Mexican migrants”. In an attempt to win the vote of the Hispanic community in […] More

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    Dairy Queen Adds Vodka Milkshakes to Menu

    (VATICAN ENQUIRER) You can now get a Smirnoff Milkshake or Jim Beam Bourbon Blizzard at your local Dairy Queen as the ice cream and fast-food chain moved today to counter Taco Bell’s announcement that they will begin serving beer with their burritos. “Alcohol and ice cream! Why hasn’t anyone thought of this before?” said investment […] More

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