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    Toronto Blue Jays to change name to something racist in order to find new home in U.S.

    (The Beaverton) Anywhere but TORONTO – After the Toronto Blue Jays have been barred from playing in their home city and rejected by Pittsburgh, the desperate team has stated they are willing to change their name to something offensive in order to get more interest in US cities. “We understand that in order to be […] More

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    Kanye/Caitlyn 2020: Caitlyn Jenner named Kanye’s running mate

    In a quick conversation with reporters, Kanye West announced that transgender Olympian and reality TV star, Caitlyn Jenner, will be his running mate in the November presidential elections. Jenner was supportive of Donald Trump’s 2016 but has since soured on Trump – calling him “the worst”, making her the perfect presidential runner up. Asked by […] More

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    Trump Replaces Washington Monument With Giant Can Of Goya Beans

    (Babylon Bee) WASHINGTON, D.C.—Liberals have been complaining about the Washington Monument, which is named after the notorious racist George Washington. Well, Trump is now appeasing them, having taken down the century-old obelisk, replacing it with a 350-foot-tall can of Goya pinto beans. The authentic Goya can is 350 feet tall and 200 feet wide and […] More

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    Walmart Now Requires All Shoppers To Wear Pants

    (BabylonBee) U.S.—In a move that’s being called “unprecedented tyranny,” Walmart is now requiring all shoppers to wear pants in their stores. Americans everywhere slammed Walmart for the move, saying it amounted to an infringement on our constitutional rights. “I thought this was America,” said one man as a greeter asked him to please put on […] More

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    The Simpsons predicted Kim Yo-jong’s rise to power

    Apparently the Simpsons once again was first to prophetize the rise to power of Kim Yo-Jong, in North Korea, sister of the young man who was in charge of the government and who for the past few weeks has not known anything from him, raising speculation about his death. The Simpsons apparently knew what would […] More

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    Trump Says He Doesn’t Need Bolton’s Book Read To Him

    Donald J. Trump has “no intention whatsoever” of having John Bolton’s book read aloud to him, Trump confirmed on Monday. Speaking to reporters at the White House, Trump said that his daughter, Ivanka Trump, had obtained a draft manuscript of the Bolton book and had offered to read it aloud to him “like she does […] More

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    El Chapo Didn’t Want Witnesses At His Trial

    The convicted drug lord known as El Chapo said on Thursday that he was “outraged” his 2019 trial had included witnesses. He also revealed that he was demanding a new trial without them. Speaking from ADX Florence, a maximum-security facility in Colorado, the former drug kingpin complained that his trial would have resulted in a […] More

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    Trump Demands Facebook Investigate Why Obama’s Post Got So Many Likes

    WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A furious Donald J. Trump has demanded that Facebook investigate why a status update posted by former President Barack Obama on Monday has received so many likes. Speaking to reporters on Wednesday morning, Trump said that the more than eight hundred and fifty thousand likes that Obama’s post had garnered as of […] More

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    Queen Elizabeth Moving to Canada

    (The Borowitz Report) – Queen Elizabeth II is moving to Canada “immediately” and should take up full-time residence there by the end of the week, Buckingham Palace confirmed on Tuesday. The Queen offered no reason for the move, but the palace indicated that she had been packing her bags for the past several weeks. In […] More

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    Trump to Give Putin Office Space at White House

    (The Borowitz Report) – In a sign that Donald J. Trump’s control over the Republican Party is now complete, congressional Republicans on Thursday defended his decision to give the Russian President Vladimir Putin office space at the White House. A newly emboldened Trump told reporters that he had furnished Putin with a corner-office suite and […] More

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