(The Beaverton) Anywhere but TORONTO – After the Toronto Blue Jays have been barred from playing in their home city and rejected by Pittsburgh, the desperate team has stated they are willing to change their name to something offensive in order to get more interest in US cities.
“We understand that in order to be a professional sports team based in the U.S., it is helpful to have a racist name,” said general manager Ross Atkins. “While we’re not thrilled about it, we are willing to play ball in order to play ball.”
Given the current state of the US, and it’s history of culturally insensitive team names, Atkins and the team believe the club’s best option is to change their name to something that will require being changed in a few short months.
“It’ll be hard, but I am sure we can find some culture that major league sports have not yet insulted,” said Vladimir Guerrero Jr. “Jewish people, mexican people, maybe get real creative and take down Pacific Islanders.”
“It doesn’t even have to be an ethnic group! The Toronto Pizza-gaters, the Toronto 9/11 Truthers, the Toronto MAGAnificents…we are willing to have any offensive name with any offensive mascot so we can get back to what’s really important: branding deals. USA!”
The team is also delighted to hear that since Edmonton’s CFL team has agreed to change names, their previous moniker is now available. “I am sure Americans will get a kick out of offending a whole new culture they only sometimes take pot-shots at,” said Blue Jay short-stop Bo Bichette.
“We’re really open to calling our team anything at this point,” said Atkins. “We carry with us the proud spirit of our fellow Canadians in that we are adaptable and able to ignore very obvious and pervasive cultural ignorance.”
With time running out to find a new home, The Blue Jays will democratically be polling communities in America to find out which group they would like to see belittled the most.